A Most Unlikely Princess

gooselivers @ 2008-01-18T10:33:00

2008-01-18T17:34:05Z

It wasn’t the best of mornings. I almost literally felt a dark cloud over my mind until a few minutes ago when I was finally able to have a cup of coffee. Sleeping in is normal on a Friday. Ken doesn’t work so I don’t have his usual morning swear-a-thon to wake me up. I never use an alarm because I can count on the landlord’s frustrations upstairs to make sure I don’t sleep past six am. Except on Fridays. But that wasn’t a big deal, I still had time to shower – just had to forgo the blow-drying and straightening of hair. Oh well. The Alberta wind and snow usually end up being my best styling aids anyway.

But I digress. I ended up chatting too long with Rob, lecturing him more like but that’s another story, and I missed the bus.

Now I HATE being late for work. Despise it. Loathe the entire concept. So that caused a mini freak out. Rob, being the amazing guy that he is, drove me to the train station and I thought maybe I would be lucky. I was delusional.

Got on the train, thirty seconds later, they announced there would be a thirty-minute delay. Fine, whatever. Just my luck. I sit back, open my book, and make myself comfortable. If you’re going to be late, you may as do it right. The guy next to me, however, starts losing his mind. When I sat down I noticed he was a little off, fidgety, kind of smelled like mothballs. But it’s the train; everyone is weird on the train. Even me from time to time.

But as soon as they announced the delay he turned from weird to positively insane. First he yelled at the driver (who can’t hear him, duh) then he began banging on the window. So hard I was sure it would pop out. Then he got up and pressed the help button by the door. The one that you’re only supposed to use if someone is having a heart attack. When the driver answered he started screaming and swearing, telling the driver he was dying, we were all dying, that he was going to kill himself if the driver didn’t let him off.

Yeah. Good times.

Eventually he sat down on the floor and shut up, especially when everyone else on the train started to tell him off. The Russian woman across the aisle from me was hilarious. She stood up and shook her fist at him. “You, calm down. Or I throw you out of train myself.” (She was the mothball culprit, I discovered.)

We finally get downtown and the driver announces the train will be stopping at the third street southeast station before turning back. At least twenty blocks away from my office. So I walk. In minus ten degrees Celsius, ice and snow covering the sidewalks. No better workout in the world than running over un-cleared sidewalks in heels. Unless it’s un-cleared stairs.

All this before my morning latte.

But I have a sushi lunch-date with Cathy and Ken is going down to the Pass for the weekend again so by noon things will improve. I am confident.

gooselivers @ 2008-01-17T09:45:00

2008-01-17T16:57:50Z

Yay for bellydancing tonight! I can't wait to shimmy all of this work crap off my shoulders.
What I'm even more interested in doing though is finding a quiet room with a little lamp and maybe some hot chocolate. I'd like to relax against a pillow and finish the Jane Austen biography I've been absorbed in.
That, that would make me happy.

It's almost ten and so far no emails from Kelly yet. Maybe I should send her an email to tell her how proud I am.

gooselivers @ 2008-01-16T14:41:00

2008-01-16T21:48:08Z

Sometimes I feel a bit like a hypocrite. All day long I tell people how they should be exercising. I spend a lot of time trying to motivate people, people in gigantic amounts of pain, to move their muscles, and I can't remember the last time I did any real working out myself. Or even stretching for that matter. I walk a lot – not owning a car will do that – but when was the last time I broke out into a sweat?

And the crickets chirp.

Most of my days lately have been eaten up by email. More so than ever before. Nearly every two minutes the director from the regional office is sending me pesky little messages that require an immediate response. I get back to my real job and then one more pops up obliterating my concentration. It’s annoying. They cannot hire someone for E’s position soon enough. Her job sucks. I’d almost rather stuff receipts into envelopes.

I heard on CTV News Net yesterday that the FDA in the US has approved cloned beef and milk for consumption. That’s pretty landmark. I don’t know how I feel about cloning in general, to be honest I know precious little about it, but I know it makes some people feel squeamish. So I decided to do some research. There are a ton of science websites out there, a lot of them ecstatic, a lot of them rebelling but it made for interesting reading. I still have some questions about long-term viability. Like Christopher Wanjek from Livescience, I wonder how easily diseases like Mad Cow would spread if an entire herd came from the same genes.

For the most part I reckon cloned hamburgers can’t be that much worse than the un-cloned hamburgers people are eating now. I’ve already had issues with some members of the cattle industry, cloning is simply an extension of what they have already been doing. No better, no worse. Scientifically, however, it’s gotta be a pretty big deal.

All this talk about beef is making me hungry. I could go for a nice piece of braised something or other.

Exterior Decorating

2008-01-14T22:26:28Z

Every now and then I find myself daydreaming about getting a tattoo. I doubt I'll ever do it, I'm far too much of a coward. It's not that I'm afraid of the pain. Please, when you've been stung by as many bees as I have, needles almost tickle. Pain has never scared me, my fears a little more pitiful than that. Mostly I'm scared of what people would think, or say. Or I'm scared that I'd hate it in a few years time.

Back when I was eighteen I think I started wanting a tattoo merely because it would be so unexpected. Bookwormy, standoffish, self-deprecating Kristine with a tattoo. No one would believe it. I'd enter a whole new realm in my friends' minds. Suddenly I'd have layers, be mysterious, my aura of predictability would vanish with my virgin skin.

I spent hours, well, what felt like hours, looking at different designs on the computer. One day I'd want something Celtic, the next I'd consider my favourite flower, the daffodil, or my horoscope sign, or something really esoteric like a random word from the dictionary. I was pretty creative. Yeah right.
Carolyn, my best friend and I, talked about it a lot. Once we even went so far as to get temporary ones drawn on our ankles. They didn't look all that attractive and I think that ended our discussions for the time being. Forever, on Care's part.

A thought plagued us. What if the artist screwed it up?

There is also the fact that up until the last year or so, I have always been painfully, agonisingly, shy. Too shy even to go up to the counter with my stolen internet-design. What if the artist laughed at me? What if he or she thought the design was hideous and refused to do it? Believe it or not, these thoughts seemed vital at the time. It just wasn't worth the risk of humiliation.

I don't even know what is so compelling about the idea. Why even today I sometimes think about putting a permanent picture on my body. Is it still about changing my image? Maybe it is just a desire to identify myself with something. To show the world who I really am by decorating myself. Rather, getting someone else to decorate me with someone else's rendered image. Perhaps that is why I have never come close to going through with it. I realise no matter what it would never be what I wanted. Never showcase the authentic Kristine.

Or perhaps it is just because I am still the most indecisive person I have ever known. Even friends who can't decide what to east for breakfast are better at making decisions with me. Maybe it is just one more thing I will never do because I spend too much time thinking about the consequences, worrying over possible regrets.

Maybe I should just go for it. Live on the edge. Laugh in the face of over-thought.

By most people's standards a tattoo is pretty mild, I'm aware. Not exactly shocking or even effective at raising eyebrows. But for a bookish woman who still stands in front of her closet organiser every morning for at least ten minutes before pulling out the same dull blouse and skirt combination?
The idea is bloody off the wall exciting.

PS: No more E at the office to hang out and look up non-scalpel vasectomies with. It's going to be a long five months. *sigh*

Who knew that adipose meant "fatty"?

2008-01-11T18:18:47Z

Should I have recognised that word? Perhaps.

It's E's last day today. I'm a little sad because the office will be a dreadfully dull place without her. While I'm used to people leaving, while I'm used to losing friends through similar means, it's a little harsher this time because I just don't have that many friends in this city. We've gone through the motions, promised to get together outside of work, sworn we will not let our frienship drift, but I have my life and she has hers. Without this little non-profit... It's just one more goodbye on my unending list. So it makes me sad. It's unique to find someone to connect with the way we did. Bleeding hearts of the world, unite.

Rob and I have made a little headway on our "Plans for the Future". We have given ourselves a deadline of May. I have always been goal-oriented and deadline-driven. With out a day I can mark on a calendar with a red pen, I sometimes find it hard to muster up any motivation. That's why I was such a killer student. I've emailed a ton of people in Nova Scotia, have even received a few packages in the mail loaded with information. I've googled my brains out researching and plotting out driving routes. I think it is more doable than ever. Rob has even confessed all to his family. I've been less pro-active in that area, unfortunately. My parents are completely aware that we have been thinking of leaving the province for some time now. It should not be overwhelmingly shocking, rather expected that eventually we would make a decision. I know they'll understand and support me, but I also acknowledge the fact that they will want to dissuade me at the same time from moving so far. They are my parents after all.
We have until May, just under five months. That gives us a lot of time to prepare. For the first time in what feels like decades I have some concrete hope for a positive future. Life in Calgary, unless you work in the oil and gas industry, is pretty hopeless for young people starting out. I'm tired of getting nowhere.

Of course, these moving plans come with their own foibles. For instance, I've finally heard back from an organisation I applied to back in December. I'd given up on the position completely when I didn't hear within a week - that seems to be the norm. It had sounded brilliant at the time - Donor Relations Assistant. Kind of what I'm doing know without the switchboard or couriers or lack of overall respect. And this organisation is bigger, would sound fantastic on a CV and really even out my job history. Naturally, this phone call didn't come until after I had decided not to look for another job. I'd feel rotten if I took it and then moved four months later. But it's tempting to go to the interview... Just to see, for curiosity's sake.

I had my first bellydance class last night. The instructor is a lot different from the one I had in Lethbridge but I like her style. It'll be a lot of fun and I'm already looking forward to next week's class. I am trying to force myself to think like a beginner so that I won't be thrown off by what I think I know and instead learn it all over again. Because by no means am I an expert, or even very stellar. It is difficult to block the old lessons on technique and old bad habits. Lexie and I used to not care about proper form and dance the way we felt comfortable. I never did watch the video of our performance piece - I'm positive it was ghastly. We had such a fantastic time doing it and I don't want the memories of that to be tainted.

Last minute edit: I also wanted to add the Rob's birthday went very, very well. Even better than last's years when we gorged ourselves at Ciao Baby's on seafood and his boss bought us a couple shots of Bailey's. We drank a lot that night. I think this time was almost ever. We didn't drink as much but we definitely gorged. ;-)

gooselivers @ 2008-01-09T16:51:00

2008-01-09T23:54:27Z

77% Barack Obama
75% Hillary Clinton
74% John Edwards
70% Chris Dodd
69% Dennis Kucinich
68% Mike Gravel
66% Joe Biden
66% Bill Richardson
36% Rudy Giuliani
27% John McCain
26% Tom Tancredo
24% Mitt Romney
17% Ron Paul
17% Mike Huckabee
13% Fred Thompson

2008 Presidential Candidate Matching Quiz

I did watch the New Hampshire debates on the weekend for some bizarre reason. I don't think I'll be watching any more this year. For one thing, I'm Canadian and have no say any way, and for another I don't think I like any of the candidates enough to be that intellectually involved. I was surprised when I'd heard that John McCain won. Frankly, even Obama is a little too right-wing for me, however. Meh. It was interesting, but I'm done.

Now I get to go home and celebrate Rob's birthday with some fried chicken and cheesecake! White chocolate raspberry cheesecake. Well, a little white chocolate. Someone ate half of the block I'd bought last week. I'm thinking the landlord. Ew. Half a block of baking white chocolate. I hope his stomach paid for it.

gooselivers @ 2008-01-04T12:16:00

2008-01-04T19:19:43Z

I am completely hooked on this online vocabulary test. It's one of the hardest ones I've ever found. And I've looked. I know I'm supposed to be at work and shouldn't have time, blah blah blah, but I was recommended the page by a former coworker so I'm not the only slacker.

www.freerice.com

There are up to fifty levels and I still have not been able to get beyond level 46. Either I'm slipping or it really is that difficult.

It's been so nice without the executive in the office. I dread Monday and her return to work. She'd be a great boss if she were a little more absentee. Her presence puts the plants on edge.

Follow up to the discussions at the party before Christmas

2008-01-03T23:53:14Z

Ho hum. Another week of work, another employee has quit. Just when things had been all calm, when I’d gone two whole weeks without erasing someone’s name off the staff board.

It’s just too bad this time it is actually someone I like that is leaving. I don’t blame E – not a smidgeon, and I knew it was coming eventually. But it still sucks.

While I harbour no resentment, I know now I am going to be expected to take over her duties until someone else is hired. With our office’s track record that could be four months from now. It wouldn’t bother me if I didn’t know that E gets paid a lot more than I do.

One day, one day hopefully not too far away, it’ll be me turning in my keys.

New Year’s was excessively uneventful. Not that I’m big on parties or even New Year celebrations in general. Last year when we went to the NHL game we still were in bed by eleven. This year we just got drunk and watched the X-Files. Really, it is how we spend most of our nights off together. We did try to do something, tried to get tickets to several comedy clubs, but in our typical style of course we tried much too late i.e. the day of. Meh. I still had fun. Before midnight and after. ;-)

But next week is Rob’s birthday and I still haven’t gotten him a present. Yikes! It’s tough, after splurging so much on him at Christmas, to think of just one more gift. And asking him is useless, as always. “I don’t want anything. The pleasure of your company is all I need.” Blech. He’s just being difficult.

On the upside, the dog goes away to boot camp on Monday! Two whole weeks without puppy-bites, it’s like a dream come true. I suppose I might miss him eventually, but with luck he’ll come back a brand new dog. And I definitely will not be missing the old one. Though sometimes I wonder if the owner shouldn’t be the one going to training school, and not the animal. But that is another rant, and a tired one at that.

Ten to five and tomorrow is Friday. How can one’s outlook on life not be optimistic?

I just do not know

2007-12-27T22:29:45Z

Back at work again. I shouldn't whinge, I did get two days off, in the middle of the week no less, but it's still difficult when there is nothing to do. Most offices shut down this time of year so I am almost certain most assume we are closed as well. No phone calls, no copies to make, no envelopes to stuff. All there has been is a gigantic stack of direct mail. Normally this would stress me out but when the office is this quiet, I wish were getting in five hundred pieces, instead of just two hundred. But I digress, work bores me to tears.

Christmas was good. It wasn't amazing or anything but I don't think it will be till I either spend it in Jamaica or have children. My parents came up last weekend and stayed at the Deerfoot Inn and Casino. It was good to see them, to get drunk with them in their hotel room. And it is always great to see my sister. My buddy, my best friend forever. I felt really spoiled and lucky to have them all there just for me. I guess, in retrospect, it was pretty amazing after all.

Christmas Eve I had to work, of course, but Rob and I drove down to the Pass right after I got off. It was actually a decent drive on the way there. No traffic whatsoever and very clear. It was nice to see his family - they have always treated me like one of their own. I like his parents, especially his father. But fathers and I have always had a good rapport. It was relaxing, even though Ken and the dog were there. Even better that we got out of the city, I think. Christmas is better spent in the mountains. Where there is snow and trees and fresh air. Rob gave me the grand tour. He even showed me the old highway that runs through Frank. I didn't think it still existed after the slide. I've never been that close to Turtle Mountain - despite the 689759076 trips I took there as a kid and brownie leader. It was cool. We went for a walk along the snowmobile trails and discovered some old cabins that once may have been a youth camp. It was really nice.

Today, however, I'm back in the city, back at this desk, and looking forward to the weekend. I'm also in the beginning stages of a cold. Stuff nose, sneezy, sleepy. Ah well. As long as it's brief I won't complain. I have a meeting tonight at the Distress Centre tonight before I start my training in a few weeks. I just hope I don't sniffle my way out of my volunteer job.

I'm more confused than ever about the future. I'm starting to think this will be the permanent theme of my life. Utter confusion. Given all the problems we're having finding a place within our price range we're wondering again if leaving this city is not the answer. I just don't know.

Day Before Christmas

2007-12-24T18:49:47Z

Five more hours and I'll be off work and on my way to the Crow's Nest Pass. In the dark, in the mountains, and hopefully not in the snow. Because, yes, my boss is cruel and decided we may as well be open normal hours on Christmas Eve. I quote, "If we are going to work till one, we may as well work till five." Grrrrrr.
Not that there is anything to do today. I've taken a grand total of four phone calls in three hours. It's only going to get worse. I'm so glad I'm here.

So as a protest I'm going to avoid real work and play with www.elfyourself.com.

Confusion, Anger, Desperation

2007-12-14T18:25:30Z

For some reason no one's paycheque went through this morning. I don't think there is a soul in this office who is very cheerful. I don't think there is a soul in this office that does not depend heavily on aforementioned cheque. It's aggravating. And if the executive tells us we have to wait for the account to return from holiday on the 19th I am going to pass out. Literally. From hunger. If I don't get paid, I don't eat.

Aside from that nasty aggravation this week has been pretty decent. Rob and I have done some Christmas shopping for his family, I just need to get in gear and finish the majority of it this weekend. Brave the halls of the infamous Chinook Centre. I kinda like it, though, as much as I complain about crowds. I think it helps with the whole "Christmas spirit" jive. Spend a day surrounded by obnoxious shoppers, tacky decorations, and awful music... How can one not feel a little sentimental about going home?
Not that I'll be going home this year. Since I'm guaranteed to be in the office till 6 pm Christmas Eve I don't reckon there's much point. Rob and I discussed briefly going to his parents' place but it all depends on work. Either way, two days off in the middle of the week will be grand, where-ever I am and however I spend them.

E and I went to visit Anne the volunteer on Wednesday. She didn't show up for work that morning so we called and found out her legs are only getting worse. She has such a tiny body and her legs are now wider than her torso. She's been in and out of the hospital but the doctors don't see a point in surgery as it's unlikely she'd survive it. Poor dear, wonderful, snarky Anne. So we had to go visit. Who knows if she will be coming back to the office anytime soon? Or ever.
But the sight of her current living arrangements was incredibly depressing. For one thing, she has to walk up at least twenty steps to get to her living area from the front door. That's a lot of stairs for a ninety-five year old with circulation problems and osteoporosis. And for another, she is incredibly low-income so although it's seniors housing, there is no one that comes to check on her every day. She has a son but he works a lot in order to support them both. It's worrisome and sad. Really makes one think about saving money for retirement. Anne's pension is clearly not cutting it and the few services that are available just aren't enough. I worry about her in that house all alone in so much pain and with so much walking to do. It isn't right.

We've had a bit more luck on the house-hunting front. We found a beautiful place last night in Acadia. With a fireplace and a brand-new kitchen. My only worry is that they don't accept pets. The landlord didn't tell us either way and I am afraid to ask just in case it's a deal-breaker for him. It's just a cat, he's really quiet, has been neutered. Please? I guess we shal see. I have a few leads on a couple other places so if it doesn't work out hopefully they will. It's a very very very trying process.

I'm too tired for a subject

2007-12-07T05:11:03Z

Ken and I caught the dog eating out of the cat's litter box today. Well, I caught him and Ken pretended to care. He came over when I was struggling to put the dog in the crate. He's much too heavy for me now and he knows it. I can't make the puppy do anything he doesn't want to do. Giant behemoth of a mutt, he is. But he's too cute to hate.
The in-laws attempted to take the dog for a few weeks, actually. They picked him up last weekend. Annie has a lot of free time until Christmas - more than the three of us have - so she thought she could teach him some manners. They lasted a whole three days with him before Rob had to go to Fort MacLeod to pick the mongrel up. We warned them... Besides, considering Ken puts as little effort in with his dog as his does with his fish whatever manners he picked up wouldn't last long anyway. Poor puppy.

Work has been too stupid to talk about. E is really sick though so perhaps that's adding to my stress and frustration with everyone else. After tomorrow the worst should be all over, no more open house or staff dinner to plan, so I'm focussing on tomorrow evening. It cannot come soon enough.

I went to view another place last night but the landlady didn't leave a key so I couldn't get in. Apparently she is too busy to show up as well. It doesn't matter. One look at the three old washing machines in the backyard was enough for me. The people upstairs were friendly enough, but stoned people often tend to be nice. I didn't bother going back this evening like I said I would. Why waste more time?

I wish Rob was home.

Cripes

2007-12-05T04:15:17Z

It's been a long time since I've had a second to post, or maybe just a long time before I had anything to say. Work has been work, essentially. With the Christmas Open House this Friday we've been really busy cleaning up all the random boxes, desks, drawers, clothing, race kits, I could go on, and basically just piling it all for someone to take downstairs. Personally, I just don't care. E and I spent hours decorating the office only for the executive director to frown and comment on the size of the tree. She then said she was going to get a new one. This new tree has not shown up yet so unless magic happens she will have to live with the small one. It's just so typical of her. She asks us to do something and then proceeds to take over. She reminds me of my father in that way, only worse.

Kind of like with the Christmas party. I was put in charge with only two weeks notice. Somehow I managed to find three restaurants that will take us, thank the gods there are only nine people in the office!, and get them to fax us some menus. I take them to the executive... She hates them all. She suggests her favourite, we call them, get a menu, it's too expensive. She finally agrees to one of my previous selections... We confirm with the restaurant. Then yesterday she sees a copy of the menu and hates it. Can you beat that?? Three days before the party. I wanted to tell her that Burger King always has room.

I'm actually also really worried about E. She has been sick for a really long time and today she called in from the hospital. She's an emotional person so I didn't worry too much when I could tell she was about to cry but I am a little scared myself. It's probably just an infection in her lungs but it's still concerning. Something is definitely not right.

Rob and I decorated the house yesterday for the holidays. I didn't have a tree last year so I made him go with me to find one this year. It's only a four foot but it's perfect for our limited amount of space. We even set it up in the living room so Ken wouldn't pout. And then we strung lights just about everywhere. I really like the effect, pretty and not at all tacky. It makes me feel a little more seasonal anyway. As long as the dog doesn't go nuts and destroy it all.

No luck so far in finding a new place to live. I'm not giving up but I think I need to be more realistic. Maybe set back my hopes a little and not expect to be able to move next week. We've got time after all. Time to find the best place for us. I'd just feel a lot better if I knew we were actually going to find this mystical place.

In more superficial thoughts... My second favourite couple won Beauty and the Geek. And The Tudors is on! As much as I despise the show for killing off Princess Margaret before she could give birth to the future Mary Queen of Scots... I'm addicted.

Blargh

2007-11-23T23:56:39Z

It 's actually been crazy busy at work every day this week. I guess with letting yet one more employee go at exactly the wrong time I've been struggling to pick up the slack. It's not so much that I care about my organisation - more that I care about the people who are effected by our organisation. The people who are wearing themselves out to raise money for us. Hopefully things will slow down a little next week. I like to be busy but I also like a little down time. Jeepers.

I'm staying after work to decorate the office for our open house in a couple weeks. E and I have also been trying to organise our Christmas party with absolutely no luck. They dumped this on us with two weeks notice so of course everything is booked up the wazoo. But we shall prevail. Or crash and burn. Either way.

Drinks with Therese tonight, apartment hunting tomorrow, brunch with parents on Sunday. It should be pleasant. I really hope our whole scheme works out. I know Ken has been laying on the guilt with Rob, telling him we could rearrange the basement if we wanted, even put a door up. He promised to build a shed in the backyard for our stuff - as opposed to the teeny room we're storing it all in now. But space isn't even the main reason we want to move out. Or at least it's not my main reason.
I refuse to let him make me feel bad over this. We've been living there for almost a year and a half. A whole lot longer than I'd thought possible. He can't have expected us to stay forever. I know he needs help with the mortgage but is that our problem? He bought the place years before we'd moved in. I don't want to be a cow about all this, I want it to be fun and to work out for everyone. Am I a total bitch for wanting a place of my own?

gooselivers @ 2007-11-22T14:48:00

2007-11-22T21:48:06Z

And then there were eight.

This is the first time we have lost two people in one day. We've set a new record.

And we're back!

2007-11-20T23:03:00Z

I don’t know if I can speak rationally about the events of last weekend. It went a lot better than any of us expected. My only real problem was with Christie, whose inappropriate attitude annoyed me to know end, but I don’t want to spend hours ranting so I may just let it all slide. What happens in Lethbridge stays in Lethbridge. For now.

I did have a good time with Lex and Wayne. It was amazing seeing them again. I was a bit worried that after over a year it would be awkward but as soon as I spoke with her on the phone I knew it’d be just like when we lived together. They took me to this interesting Ethiopian place (I know, Ethiopian in Lethbridge???) that has to be incredibly new. It was better than interesting and definitely unique. The meat was spicy and warm, and I even liked the lentils. We were served a sponge-bread and we tore off pieces to use as a kind of scoop to pick up the dishes with. No cutlery. It was all very communal and comfortable.

I love their apartment as well. All of the rooms are gigantic. It made me jealous. I got to look at all of Wayne’s pictures from his time in Chateh. They are pretty powerful. I don’t know that I would have survived it as well as he did with his everlasting optimism. Not just the freezing temperatures but the dreariness of life on a reserve. The bitterness, the lack of caring, the desperation and hopelessness. It’s just awful how people are living up there with no expectation of improvement. And to teach at a youth centre? He is a strong man.

I felt a little less depressed with the help of a couple Hypnotiq martinis however. So amazingly good, so amazingly boozy.

I also ended up talking to a woman I went to school with for a long time. We were never friends though we were in all the same classes. She was popular and outgoing, made twelfth grade president, and I was shy and academic. I didn’t dislike her but I never really saw her as someone I would hang out with. I went to Earl’s with work people for dinner and she was serving there – I haven’t seen her since the logic class we took together in our first year of university. But it’s funny how once one is older things change. Seeing someone, anyone, you recognise from the past is exciting, whether you liked each other then or not. She’s not a bad person, I even added her to my Facebook, and it’s always interesting to find out what other people have been doing with their lives. Like Erin, who went to school in Amsterdam. Jealous again.

Now I’m back at home and it’s back to life as normal. Rob has a job interview tomorrow morning that I really hope he nails. I’ve no doubt however that if he wants it, it’s his. He’s very good at interviews or anything related to sales, especially selling himself, unlike me. We could really use the extra money the job would bring. Especially if we’re going to move out. (Cripes those words sound like magic. Moving out. I get tingles.)

I saw a show on television yesterday called “At the End of My Leash” which is basically another dog training show, much like “The Dog Whisperer” but the guy on it is pretty impressive. I was sitting there watching it and wishing I could get him to come to the house to train our giant animal when what did I see appear on the screen? The Calgary Tower! The show is filmed in Alberta! Can you beat that? Seriously, unprecedented. So I looked up the show on the computer today and I downloaded an application form. I’m going to have to make it seem like Rob and I are having relationship problems because of the dog in order to get on but it’s worth it. If we can find someone to get the beast under some semblance of control, I’ll be nice to Ken for a whole month. I’m excited!

gooselivers @ 2007-11-15T09:35:00

2007-11-15T16:41:21Z

I just had to post this before I head out from my big adventure in fundraising.

I saw a news link on yahoo this morning claiming that they are trying to get Santa to say "ha ha ha" because "ho ho ho" is offensive to women.
Now I am an ardent feminist. I won't watch CSI because of the series' conflation of sex and death. I get annoyed when people refer to grown women as "girls". I have debated many a time with my boyfriend over my frustration with the lack of proper ways to address a woman (ma'am too informal, miss far too young - both ways are denigrating). No one is more aware of equality issues when it comes to the sexes than I.
However, "ho ho ho" as offensive to women? I'm offended actually that someone would find that offensive. I'm offended that someone clearly thinks women's rights groups are so sensitive, so frivolous, as to think Santa's laugh is referring to prostitution and then equate said prostitution with the female sex.

Good God. I think I'm going to be sick. This has got to be anti-feminism at it's worst.

Business trip

2007-11-15T02:26:55Z

This weekend's trip to Lethbridge is looking like it's going to be a lot more stressful than Red Deer's trip ever dreamed of. Neither Kevin or I have any idea of what we are supposed to be doing. Until I took the initiative myself we did not even have hotel rooms booked this afternoon. And we leave tomorrow. I don't think C even cares anymore about whether or not we raise any money. I don't think she cares if it all turns out to be a giant disaster and no one comes back next year. She's putting forth that much effort.
Meanwhile, I actually care. It's my home city, it's an event that matters to people - the second largest JBR in the province. I don't want to be humiliated. But there is nothing I can do when my repetitive offers of help are ignored. I guess I just show up and bear it.

Truthfully I have ulterior motives for going. I made plans with Wayne and Lexie to hang out - it'll be nice to have some time with my friends. The few times I've gone back I've only seen my parents, in and out in less than two days. With all of my evenings free I'll get to see some people I haven't met face-to-face in over a year. I've missed them a lot, especially Lexie, and I know the hassle with work will be worth it. I feel bad leaving Rob to his own devices again so soon but it'll be my last trip for a long time. I doubt he'll even notice I'm gone in between work and his new video game.

I've decided to give Mansfield Park another chance. I struggled twice in high school to read it but I never finished, never even got halfway through, either time. But I was browsing in the book shop, needing something to read this weekend and not wanting to face my late fees at the library, and I saw a copy on sale. I don't know that I love Austen as much as I used to but her books always make me feel nostalgic for the dreamy kid I used to be. Maybe now that I'm older I'll have more patience for the drippy Fanny. Or maybe I'll have wasted ten bucks.

Movin' Out

2007-11-13T23:35:37Z

It was a good long weekend, all in all. After my fantastic day with my sister we spent most of Sunday cleaning. I even got Rob to scrub the bathroom. It was definitely his turn. I tackled the refrigerator which took a lot longer than I'd bargained on. But the sight of it now, all white and pristine, was worth the effort.
I have promised myself that was the last time I will ever clean the kitchen as thoroughly as I did on Sunday. With god as my witness, I shall not be living there long enough to have to scrub that house again. Ever.
Wouldn't it be nice?
We also went to a movie at a theatre and everything. I can't remember the last time Rob and I went to see a movie together like that. It was fun. I basically just wanted to go out for going out's sake but the film we saw Into the Wild was actually pretty good. Such a stretch from the normal stuff we're bombarded with. Nothing even blew up. It was moving and it made me think a lot. That maybe life in the wild isn't so blissful. It's long been a fantasy of mine, to find some deserted island or forest, or whatever, build my own shelter, find my own food. No job, no money, no shopping, or driving. Just live. To only have to worry about basic survival. How could that be a bad thing?

I was finally able to get through today to the gentleman who posted the ad. It's so frustrating to only talk to machines. And then to never hear back. I've left message after message over the last few days. "I WANT to rent your place. I am a sure thing. Call me." And still nothing. This morning, however, I got through to a human and I almost danced in my desk chair. All is not settled yet, however. Despite the place being perfect for us in theory (allows pets, is close to our current quarters, two rooms, laundry) I am not going to be able to see it until the weekend because the suite is still under renovations. But he took my number and promised to call when they were complete. I'm just hoping he hasn't taken too many more numbers. It's so impossibly hard to find a place to live in Calgary. If this one passes us by, one actually in our price range, I may become desperate.

I was also finally able to find a doctor for one of my callers. It took me all day Friday and today but I think I found someone in her area even that may be able to help her. I felt celebratory. It's just brutal how few specialists there are, especially in smaller cities. Heck, even if one does live in Calgary or Edmonton the waiting lists are insane. But there isn't anything I can do about it. Just research as many as I can. I've always been good at research.

Therese returned from Greece today and they have also hired another marketing manager that started today. Let's see how long this one lasts, shall we? I have about zero faith at this point. But it is bothering me less and less. I am just here to do a job - whether others are working hard or not doesn't have too much of an impact on me.

Reflection

2007-11-11T05:05:42Z

I had a really good time with my sister today. I'm so glad she finally decided to come up and visit, despite all of the nasty travelling it involved. I don't get to spend very much time with the people I've known most of my life - and it's hard being away from the few people I've been able to talk with so freely. We have always been close and it's nice that none of that has changed with distance. It was also nice to spend that many hours with another woman. I don't get that enough that's for sure.

We didn't so anything outrageously exciting, she had to be back on the road at eight thirty, but we had fun. I made her walk around Kensington in her heeled boots and eat a giant cupcake from Crave. The real Calgary experience. I also was able to use her visit as an excuse to go to Sephora, a shop I've only admired from afar since it has come to this city. It wasn't as big as the one in Toronto but it was still an experience. Amazingly, I managed to hold myself back from maxing out my credit cards - only indulged in some foot lotion. I think I like the sampling more than anything. And then we had dinner at Fiores and tea at Steeps. All in all a successful trip. I felt really bad for making her walk so far - in fact I don't think I realised just how much walking we did until I got home. Sitting down feels very good right now. So would a nap. If I can get the cat off my pillow that is.

It's even nicer that I still have two more days before I go back to work. The government official who decided to problaim Remembrance day a statutory holiday in Alberta was a genius. I lift my mug of hot cocoa to him.

Since Rob still isn't home from work I think I'll play some Pirates before I go to bed. The game is incredibly addicting for being so simple. I'm still not very good at it, though. The comandeeing of ships I've got down but the impressing of the governor's daughter not so much. The minuet is a hard dance to perform with a laptop mousepad.

The Tudors

2007-11-07T21:35:32Z

I am really enjoying the CBC showing of The Tudors, it's something to look forward to on a dreary Tuesday at work. It's like a historical soap opera. But the seemingly deliberate inaccuracies are really starting to get to me. A series like that, that has ten whole parts, should have the time to describe characters and explore situations properly. I can often forgive Hollywood for screwing things up but there is no excuse for a program like this to make the same mistakes. Margaret Tudor never ever ever married the Portuguese king, or any other king on the continent. Let alone Charles Brandon. I'm just curious as to what they are trying to accomplish here - why they have chosed to ingnore Princess Mary completely (maybe they figured too many Marys would be too complicated??) and why they have changed the ages and time periods of so many events. It adds nothing. I just find it really irritating.
Not that I'm going to stop watching any time soon.

The staff meeting was cancelled today so the "senior team" could get together. I'm not complaining but I had cleared my whole day for the meeting and now I'm left without much work to get done. Besides, it seems kind of silly to have a "senior team" meeting when over 70 percent of the staff is part of said "senior team". Wouldn't it just be easier to talk to everyone at once? Is it not weird that seven out of ten employees are considered managers?

It sounds, though, that E is having a difficult time with our 95-year-old volunteer. Anne is fantastic, don't get me wrong. Have you ever seen a 95-year-old in reindeer antlers? But she definitely has her obstinate moments. I don't blame her. I plan on saying and doing whatever I please when I get to that age. I look forward to being free to be insane.

Rob and I had one more argument about money last night. I am seriously considering getting another job, even just for on weekends, because this extreme poverty thing doesn't seem so romantic any more. But he gets upset whenever I bring it up. Takes it as a personal attack on his masculinity or something. I am just so tired of standing in the grocery store wondering if I have enough money for toilet paper. I don't know what to do.

gooselivers @ 2007-11-05T17:29:00

2007-11-06T00:40:33Z

Red Deer wasn't a complete disaster. Somehow we managed to pull it all off with a couple of extremely helpful volunteers. I almost wept when two fifteen year old girls showed up at seven am Sunday morning to volunteer for school credit.
The maintenance worker never showed up to unlock the doors when he was supposed to. And of course it had snowed the night before so it was far too cold to set up outside the gym. We were just kind of hanging out in the loaded vehicles, staring at the clock praying for a miracle. I can't believe the woman who was formerly in charge of this event had not established a contact number at the school. Somehow, with Beth's genius, we were able to find a number for the principal, wake her up, and find someone to unlock the doors. So we had a whole half hour to set up before the runners started to arrive. No panicking.

But there was a moment, amidst all the stress, where I looked up from my registrations and pledges to see all one hundred and fifty participants avidly following the warm-up exercises of a volunteer. Music pumping from the sound system we'd set up in five minutes, people smiling and laughing in their costumes (one team was dressed up as Christmas presents - it was adorable). And I relaxed. I realised we had done it, that it was going to be okay. That all of our hard work actually meant something to these people. The stress was over and I stood and watched.

Last night when I finally came back home all I did was sleep. Too many mornings of waking up at five am for me. I am definitely enjoying having today off - I think we all needed it to recover. I don't think I could have faced the office today.
It's not over yet. I still don't know what went down with Christie in Calgary. And we still have three more events to take care of. I just don't want to think about any of that right now.

I haven't had much of a chance to read my book on Queen Caroline lately so I'm hoping to relax with that tonight now that Ken is home to play with the dog. I can just hide out in the basement with some history and some Bailey's.

Thoughts

2007-11-02T21:14:58Z

I think I miss my boyfriend already.

My boss is going to drive me insane. If I get through this weekend without slitting my wrists I will dye my hair blonde.

I need to make some new friends.

Andrea deleted her facebok account which really makes me sad. I was hoping we could still be friends even though we know longer work together. I don't suppose I'll ever hear from her again. Ho hum.

The three most ominous words strung together. Jingle. Bell. Run.

Melty chocolate is way better than cold chocolate. Ken has no idea what he is talking about. And melted chipits do NOT make for good fudge, contrary to his opinion.

Tim has paid me several compliments today and it's weirding me out. Maybe I should be nicer to him from now on.

I do not want to be a secretary any more.

Maybe I'll be a dental assistant instead. Then I'll get some respect.

gooselivers @ 2007-11-01T19:52:00

2007-11-02T02:08:43Z

So it turns out I am getting Monday off due to my generosity in agreeing to go to Red Deer. At least that is something to look forward to. It's all sounding pretty dreary. Christie told me in confidence today that she may be quitting any day now. She says the second she gets a new job she is out of there. It's not that I blame her. It's just depressing to think about. Every single person hired after me has either quit or been sacked. A couple were even hired before I started. I grow weary of my job.

Sometimes I wonder, and perhaps I'm being a bit hypocritcal, if people don't bail too early when things get complicated. Every single place I've worked at has had it's share of difficult people. There is always at least one person, often more, whom no one can stand or work with at a tolerable level. One can't get away from it. So you have to just put up with said person and try not to take anything they say or do personally. I know for a fact that two of our recent quittees have left due to a certain person's behaviour. I understand, no one deserves such condescension, but is it not also a little immature to bail? If you're going to leave, make sure it's for the right reasons.
I don't know. Maybe I'm just tired of erasing names off the sign-in board.

But anyway, aside from work, things are going okay. I've been really tired - even fell asleep on the train home - so it makes me nap. But when I nap I wake up at one am unable to sleep any longer. So then I'm stil tired the next day. It doesn't make any sense.

I'm actually home alone in the house now - which is extremely rare. Just me and the dog. And how do I spend my time? On the computer. While watching Jeopardy. I live a life of thrills. But it is nice. To just sit in the quiet. I've got to soak it all in.

Therese is in Athens now until the 13th. I don't know if I could feel any more jealous. She's doing a marathon, which I could take or leave, with some friends. Greece! I can only dream.

gooselivers @ 2007-10-31T16:35:00

2007-10-31T22:44:13Z

Thank the gods for paycheques. Even those that are four days too late. I haven’t had such a low balance in a long time. But with the money I loaned Rob it was getting pretty tight. I even had to forgo drinking all weekend. I haven’t bought a bottle of wine for over a week – that’s how bad it’s gotten. Please. But it should be okay now. Even with my part of the mortgage, transportation, and my prescription, I should have enough to last till the next pay day. This weekend my expenses will be paid as I’m taking an unfortunate business trip to Red Deer.

Red Deer of all places. Since Andrea has quit my boss, the director of advocacy, and I have had to take over the Red Deer event on Sunday. It’s not really in any of our job descriptions but the event is pretty major. I don’t know exactly what they want me for – I’m assuming it’s to hand out registration packages and take money. Basically secretarial duties. Just how I like to spend my off time. Working for free. Genius.

It wouldn’t be so bad if Rob could come up with me, I’d make him volunteer. Put him in charge of t-shirts or something. But he gets out of it by having to “work”. Jerk.

Today was our Halloween potluck. I ended up making brownies because those ingredients were all I could scrounge for in the cupboard. I was not spending any more cash on this thing than necessary. I had to hide them from Ken so that I would have enough to bring in. But they were a definite success!

I had a moment where I almost glared at the executive director. A few of us were in the learning centre filling the aforementioned packages, all five hundred of them, and the managers start gathering in the kitchen giggling about food and Halloween. We’ve got our work all over the tables, moving at allegro, and the director stares at us. “Where are we going to put all the food?”

Seriously. Aside from E, I am the youngest person here by at least twenty years. How am I one of the few that knows how to prioritise?

But anyway, enough of work ranting. I just had a complaining session with Christie and I feel better. So let’s move on.

We did go to the haunted house on Monday. It is being put on by 92.9 FM and it was pretty insane. Instead of things just randomly popping out at us, which gets old, we were actually followed. I had to keep looking behind me to make sure no one was there. The person in the wheel cahir was the worst because I did not sense a looming presence at all. It was creepy and really unnerving. One guy even had a real chainsaw, it was sans chain, but the effect was still there. Normally I hate haunted houses. They are either lame or overly religious. This place was neither. Definitely not for children, however, as even I almost screamed a few times.

I am not the screaming type.

My sister is coming to visit in a couple weeks. I’m so thrilled! We’ll have almost eight whole hours to spend together. I just hope the weather holds. Calgary is only nice when it’s warm.

I doubt we'll get many kids at the house tonight. I don't know if it's even worth picking anything up before I go home. Most of the young kids in our neighbourhood are from immigrant families who don't celebrate Halloween like we do in the west. I guess I could get some "just in case" - as an excuse to buy some for myself. I missed "The Tudors" last night on CBC. So I'll have to watch the downloaded version tonight and one mustn't watch a historical soap opera without chocolate.